/202510021212

Weariness continues, though I'm doing far, far better than yesterday. Two sleepless nights took - and continue to take - their toll. A new surprise project has lurched forward and made its mark via a new burn on my wrist (thankfully not from the laser: I can both give cancer and remove it, go me). Had written a thing about another thing but didn't think that thing was worth committing to the digital ether. Not saying this one is either but at least it's more of the moment than the other thing was. A note to myself: "the words still aren't there; were they ever?"

cart / horse

Surprise surprise I got ahead of myself again and thought of form (zine! anthology!) and totally froze myself. Rededicating myself to working in / on whatever interests me in the moment and taking it day by day, minute by minute: shaping scrap metal, joining words together, drawing little index card cartoons of myself every morning, writing these things at midday. Not to say I won't pursue longer form or longer term works (longform doesn't always mean long term) but I won't set out to do so or assign it / them deeper value to my day and life than that. Make, release, make, release, make release...

resiceptance

While nuHerbie the insulin pump (second one, first Herbie was felled by a recycling dumpster corner) been life-altering – in 99.9% good ways – the .1% has been a source of frustration and confusion since day one: on some days, I'm able to get in a good four mile run before I become a hypoglycemic mess, on others, barely a mile. No matter the settings, no matter if I use exercise mode, or how much insulin I take, vexation. Though it's taken me awhile – nuHerbie and I are heading towards our third anniversary of symbiotic collaboration to keep me not dead – I've finally landed on a solution: give up on distance, focus on intensity. Get what I can get out of the run and call it good enough; can't decide if it's resignation or acceptance (still sussing out the difference). Probably both. Resiceptance.