Returning, I think, to a once-daily (with exceptions made for new work or announcements) posting regimen here: I like the slowness (slower processing, slower thinking, slower process) of it – and the feeling of breath not being wasted (or, rather, of breath wasted in something of a semi-conscious way that lends itself to craft improvement / processing of processing) though I can't discount the possibility that I'm in another of those "burn down everything and rebuild again" modes without actually burning down anything but with plenty of rebuilding – a controlled dis-assembly, perhaps, like when Amish neighbors tear down an old house, plank by plank, to build a newer version of the same house behind it, an occurrence which never ceases to fascinate.
This is my new house. Same as the old house. But a different house.
Maybe I'm considering this because I don't want to be online as much, don't want to be scavenging so much. All I do know is that a change is needed... especially as I get busier and more cognizant of my diminishing time in what probably should count as a midlife crisis, in a way (as they say in the crosswords). All that midlife not-knowing aside, there's some form of unsettling and I'm taking every step I can think of to defragment my brain so I can think of more stuff.
(Also, I want to bring back EarBliss and Newsletter Sunday as journal features; publishing these via the Mac Mini is the best way to do it.)
I also want – in spite of an insane week ahead – to spread out my workday: I'm tired of jamming everything I want to do into four hours in the morning and feeling like shit for the rest of the day as I stare down an inability to do anything but adhere to the designs and whims of duties and people real and imagined: for me, the only way through these feelings of inadequacy is to do the work, to make efforts to push things forward – even if that forward is into the ether of indifference (career advice: be prepared to practice much dentistry, often without novocaine, in "raising awareness" of your work).
So here we are: if the newsletter is the sum of the week, let these daily convenings be the terminus of the morning and the sum of the day previous, a public collision of thoughts and scraps collected in handwritten privacy over the course of a day in the life. And so it is and so it goes.
