Feeling human-ish, finally. Planned on writing a short MacroParenthenticals given the hell of the last week but have written a 1500-word thing. Still have to get the whole pub schedule worked out so it, the NL, comes out at the same time every week. Might switch to evening? Or go ahead with noon? Write it in W2 Saturday and W1 Sunday and publish? Maybe, IDK. Anyhow. Alive, etc etc. Sending NL in a few.
It is snowing (I didn't learn that in my second waiting trip to the ER in as many days) but at least my mother was fully admitted yesterday and the current health issue is being tended to by hands that are not my own because, while I can keep myself alive with math and uncontrolled substance dosages before each meal and before bed and am a rather excellent cat sitter, thank you very much, I cannot work internal medicine and fix vertebral compression fractures in the back, rehydrate, re-nutrient, or nor can I continue to put up the facade I've put up for ten years, 25 if I'm going to be honest which I might as well be because fuck it.
(When, for two days in a row of early evening gaming, I am able to handle only wanton, plotless mayhem in GTAV, I know I've gone past the point of no return. But it doesn't feel as if there is a point of return.
On top of that, I feel like hell this morning. Tends to happen when a stressful situation has been at least temporarily ameliorated but think it's as much that as it is having to put my own health through the ringer the last couple of days for someone I can barely tolerate. Uneven meal times, weather change: I tend gauge blood sugar first - a rise to 327 in the ER (I hate hospitals - and I was KN-95ed throughout; they made a useful paperbag substitute for the PTSD triggers running ripshod over my person), a drop two hours later to 122, a shitty though delicious dinner, barely rising, then this morning, hungry and a solid 136. The common question: do I feel like hell because my blood sugar is nuts or is my blood sugar nuts because I feel like hell? Until evidence points otherwise, I go with the former. Superhighbloodbounceball strikes again.
RIP Taylor Hawkins.
good mail day (pure shit otherwise).
Not for me, I'm fine.
"Sweetie" seems to be the default phrase uttered from nurse to patient, at least 'round about these parts, in the nomenclature. Also, "honey" as in, "Oh, sweetie, I'm just here for your blood now bleed for me honey BLEED FOR ME."
Perhaps most shittily, I learned what missing lunch with T1D is like: already told K that when, in five to ten years (five, probably, due to my unknown lineage and indeterminate makeup – I'll tell that story sometime) I have to have a colonoscopy and can't eat for a weekend or whatever, we'll tie me up Larry-Talbot-in-ABBOTT-AND-COSTELLO-MEET-FRANKENSTEIN-style and lock me in a room for that day or two for the safety of myself and those around me – hanger, thy name is Tyler.
Non-ER related: HALO debut was solid. Felt like a cut scene in the game that wouldn't let me play the first (awesome) sequence but they made the right decision in taking off the helmet: a needed transition to the filmed series from the gamefeel aspects of the first half, a clear sign that this is its own thing. Cut scene feel vanished once the helmet came off. Loved the audio easter eggs.
We still have heat, hot water, and refrigeration. My car runs. My grandfather's elbow has healed / something to something / turbines to speed / roger, read to move out etc etc the day does whateverthefuck it's going to do, the day the day.
