/20211027

A little hypoglycemic evening aperitif before resultant rebound wake-up hyper-. PunyGod-ing of blood sugar, etc etc: Dash of variety, just add spices – mix to taste.

Blood sugar, approximately.

Added another brief little project last night (was I hypoglycemic when I did? Perhaps - but it's still a good move) because the only way I know how to talk about doing something is by doing it and then talking about it. If it isn't pure shit, might publish it here (and if it is pure shit, I only pollute the minds of 15 students before casting it off into the dumpster fire of the creative impulse).

COVID booster today, mix-n-match: J&J first shot back in March, Pfizer today. Let the mRNA deliciousness sate my immune system's schizophrenic appetites, if only for a minute. The stabs'n’the jabs, they begin.

Eight days of conelife remain.

/20211026

Rain continues while conelife remains a lesson in patience lending further credence to notion that, were I able to afford it, I'd rent an office elsewhere but I don't know of anyone willing to rent officespace to a writer making $58 every eight years in royalties (though my Ko-Fi goals of $20 a year are within reach); rolling in it.

Blood sugar returned to normal(ish) as soon as I decided to drop the NonFicThing telling of (my) T1Dlife. Work on MainFicThing has resumed in the sanctum of my creative respite, minus conelife interruptions. First chat for the next block of TSR episodes this afternoon, another chat on comics as memoir later this evening.

The day awaits, the rain does its thing. Dogchildren/conelife requirements of sustenance inbound; eight days of conelife remain.

Reading:

NonFicThing: Purgatory-bound

After another particularly rough morning surfacing the kind of things requisite to write the NonFicThing – those things being my Type One Diabetes – and a particularly rough few weeks in dealing with said T1D, I've decided that, for my mental state, I need to send to said project to my Project-Purgatory.

I've always considered – and still consider – writing to be my respite, my sanctuary: it is where I can push myself forward and be most myself. However, while I'm not one to shy away from tackling difficult subjects, when that difficult subject is one that is being particularly bastardy in its inexplicable machinations (literally) through my bloodstream consuming, at the moment, almost all of my waking hours – and sleeping ones, as the problems seem to arise there – my respite, my sanctuary of creation, is spent tackling my failure to move a project forward about the current failure of my day-to-day to control my T1D.

While I had plenty of nifty things planned for it, and still hope to maybe one day push it forward, I simply – for the sake of my mental well-being – cannot devote more time to thinking about my omnipresent condition than I already do just to stay alive.

/25oct2021

Another morning of batshit crazy blood sugar: I feel like crap and all I can do is add more and wait and see; I loathe all three truths but they are the truths that I'm dealing with at present and all I can do is move along (this is what I'm telling myself). That nothing helps makes the situation feel all the more hopeless. You wanted to know the T1D day-to-day? You've got it: Hopelessness punctuated by occasional rage and/or jubliation amidst perpetual self-judgment that does nothing but harm of which you seem, even fully medicated and with 20 years of meditation on your belt, incapable of "letting go." Between that and Kirby's coned neediness and the constant feeling of walls closing in, I'm about to declare mental exhaustion on everything and everyone and go live in a cave with my Multi-Grain Cheerios and a bottle of wine.

The day fucking awaits; nine days of conelife – though it's better with the new clear blue cone, yay peripheral vision – remain.

SPECTRE Main Title w/ Radiohead song

(via kottke.org):

So much better than whatever that one song was.

Conelife.

Panarchy / Sustainable Scale Project

(via The Sustainable Scale Project):

Panarchy is a conceptual framework to account for the dual, and seemingly contradictory, characteristics of all complex systems – stability and change. It is the study of how economic growth and human development depend on ecosystems and institutions, and how they interact.  It is an framework, bringing together ecological, economic and social models of change and stability, to account for the complex interactions among both these different areas, and different scale levels (see Scale Levels).  

Panarchy’s focus is on management of regional ecosystems, defined in terms of catchments, but it deals with the impact of lower, smaller, faster changing scale levels, as well as the larger, slower supra-regional and global levels. Its goal is to develop the simplest conceptual framework necessary to describe the twin dynamics of change and stability across both disciplines and scale levels.

Sustainable Scale Project http://www.sustainablescale.org/ConceptualFramework/UnderstandingScale/MeasuringScale/Panarchy.aspx

Came across this on a Cool Tools podcast with futurist Leah Zaidi: my own elementary understanding of this is that it’s sort of a “Hero’s Journey” model of reality (which fully embraces reality’s inherent complexities). Fascinating concept; the whole article – and Zaidi’s website – is worth absorbing, as are the notes from the podcast.