wed/20220824

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61ºF, sun: all good on the medical front, happy pill cocktail remains the same, my nose is fine (though still a bit sore), internal numbers have stabilized and yielded a satisfied doc... the sting of being free from an onerous responsibility is more stinging than I thought – that it triggers more than a bit of emotional PTSD doesn't help – but oh well fuck him: I did more than my share and he's not worth the intrusive shenanigans mental... shit's getting scandalous at the Bratwurst Festival ... dismay at snail's pace of current fictional progress heightens; trying, nonetheless, to keep something Nick Cave said somewhere in mind: when it's not coming, it's coming – rhythm rhythm rhythm ... if heaven exists, mine will look like this though perhaps I'll be satisfied with calling it my happy place internal... happy 96th birthday to my grandfather: it's been a(nother) hell of a year, but here we are, starting another... kind words glow continues… the day awaits.

EJK on PRESS (A) TO START

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Elizabeth Joan Kelly, one of my favorite composers working today - and, in the interest of full disclosure, one of my favorite collaborators - on the first edition of my PRESS (A) TO START series:

“… a beautiful and heartbreaking work: Weaver navigates the complex reality of losing a family member - albeit one who represented significant trauma - through a mixture of self-analysis, memory, narrative, objects, and drafted obituaries. The central tension comes not from a sense of loss, but from the inherent sense of guilt that comes with saying goodbye to a complicated relationship. But despite how devastating it is, LAST CHRISTMAS IN JULY is also breathtaking and, in a way, comforting, because it is evidence that trauma can beget great work, and that is what great art does: it makes us feel and astounds us with what it makes us feel.”

PRESS (A) TO START is a twice-a-year, print-only premium (though decidedly imperfect and raw) zine produced exclusively for MacroParentheticals subscribers. The first issue, LAST CHRISTMAS IN JULY – A COWARD’S EXORCISM, is now available. You can sign up here to subscribe.

tue/20220823

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61ºF, fog: the local school day one, hellions and their children on the sidewalks and in the parking lots above…. I don't think my nose is broken but damn – thanks, Kirby, for the flailing hundred-pound puppy headbutt to the bridge of said nose; a little swelling maybe, but no twisting, no bleeding, no breathing difficulties, no bruising though perhaps, like Michael Corleone and our shared T1D, I'll have to dab at my nostril all the time... scheduled doc checkup today so who knows (watch your stress / i've been watching it, it's doing the same shit), I’ll either say something about it and have to go get x-rays or not say a word about it... started JUSTIFIED last night (only 12 years late but hey it's been an interesting 12 years) and love it... staring at these social spaces and wondering why I even bother staring – I really want to get a good comment system working in here / maybe cultivate that dormant Discord space (it'd be great if Discord offered a comment system for sites)?... godfuckingdammit, Warners-Discovery… yesterday's accomplishment: slicing up a Rite in the Rain memo book into a mini notebook to fit inside my Dango wallet: paper cutters rule. ... the day awaits.

A GIRL MISSING (Fukada, 2019)

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(watched thu/20220818 via The Criterion Channel – directed by by Koji Fukada and starring Mariko Tsustui, Michako Ichikawa, and Sōsuke Ikematsu; released 26 July 2019)

Still processing / facing my inability to properly disseminate (hence the goal of writing these for most inputs I allow to sublet my brainspace for an hour or a week or two or more) the totality of the layers upon layers weaving in and out of Fukada's film about a kind woman (star Mariko Tsustui is mesmerizing) broken by the cruelty of a media frenzy and a confidence betrayed amidst a patriarchal society of appearances, convention, and standing. Hooked me from the first frame and didn't let go until the final, haunting, Stanwyck-in-DOUBLE-INDEMNITY-infused sequence. Highly recommended – even if I'm flubbing the words to express exactly why.

mon/20220822

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65ºF, fog: I am bereft of material for this morning space this morning which means as soon as I decide to stop writing these morning things I'll want to start writing these morning things though I can't discount potential for more interesting writing with these things stored up but oh look now I've just written one of these morning things... DerbsBall upgrades continue: installed a soccer goal in the backyard; Derbs hasn’t quite figured out what to do with it… while K isn't sold on our need for a life-sized freshwater stingray blanket I am; marriage is, however, all about compromise ... the day awaits.