(Written in full recognition of - and because of? - my increased presence on the socials.)

Current thinking/observation: it's not social media that's the problem for me, but how I allow it to exploit my worst, most embarassing traits of needing approval and valuing myself based on the (lack of) others' approbations.

While I want to be gone from it, social, to vanish fully feels like a luxury I can ill-afford, given my location in the middle of nowhere and the total lack of opportunity contained in said nowhere. This line of thinking does, however, strike me as being indiciative of having fallen for the cruel horseshit of indispensibility that makes social, or my attachment to it, problematic in the first place.

Solution(?): treat it as a semi-useful tool (do I check the hammer to see if the nail is still in the wall?) and continue efforts to move towards a default state of assuming that no one gives a shit and be pleasantly surprised if they do. Regardless, the "spinning tires in the mud / treading water / deckchairs on the Titanic" feeling WRT the socials – and my "career" in general – is omnipresent - and exhausting.

Either way, while I have to learn to live with it, to care about it isn't worth the energy, mental or otherwise. "Eh, fuck it" seems the optimal mental status.