seven stray thoughts swirling as uncertainty swirls more than usual

One, when I get overwhelmed by the needs of others to the detriment of myself, all of my relationships become another job. Meaning: everyone becomes a task on a list, no matter whether or not they are a task on the kanban board the lifeworkflow or not. This is, clearly, a mental – and, probably, a physical – survival mechanism. That said, while my bedside manner well and truly sucks, I do get the job done, no matter what.

(A good friend once saw me shift into this mode and he thought I was having a stroke.)

Two, all decisions I make in the above lilfeworkflow are rooted in what I call "a bias towards certainty" in mind: full-tilt move to assisted living or continued transitional care or try going home? For at least another week, it's the middle one, a bit of status quo – with the bias towards certainty being to begin the process of the first one (and prep allergies for incoming resident cat). The last one seems increasingly less likely.

Three, I cannot and will not continue to sacrifice my own health to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I've done it for too long and I know that the main party for whom I'm most concerned knows that I've done everything in my power to the detriment of my health and my career. I can no longer - nor am I willing to - shoulder the burden, both physical and the ones I’ve concocted in my brain.

Four, my fucking back still hurts but at least I know it's not rheumatoid arthritis. That's one autoimmune disorder that I've yet to inherit. Waiting to hear back on x-rays, but it seems that I have at least one bulging and probably herniated disc that's been causing all of the pain for the last several months and making my ability to run up a hill at anything more than a limp a(nother) lost cause.

Five, THE BATMAN is really good. Might write something more about it or this might be it. Maybe a TSR episode with someone? (Speaking of, new TSR coming later today.)

Six, I am not going back to daily written pieces but posting here only when I have something to say. Tried it and the form / results just didn't interest me. I like the mystery of this whenever/whatever approach.

Seven, the switching of anti-depressants was to begin this week but I'm putting it off until more certainty and/or finality comes to items one through three. I'll deal with the continued weight gain. Anything that impedes my mental processing power right now is verboten.

I think that's it.