things i've learned, realized, and/or accepted over the past several days of watching my mother die

in

Writing this in 15 minutes while I wait to hear back from the nurse with probably news of the inevitable.

  • Hospice people are very nice and utterly delightful to talk with. Listening to them describe their work is beyond fascinating.

  • I'm not as allergic to cats as I thought. I'm looking forward to having a cat again, even if it's for a shorter time frame than is standard (He's 12, after all).

  • My stance on life and death remains the same: life is chaos, death is order. In death, we are restored to order; until then, it's all chaos.

  • While resilient, the body is quite fragile – some more than others, and some by their own mistakes, foolishness, and misplaced faith in their own capacities.

  • It’s been borrowed time since 2013 - and little of it was particularly good.

  • My bedside manner sucks but I get the job done: the coming days and weeks are the curtain call on a role I've had to play – parent to a parent – for 25 years.

  • I can, indeed, put my fist through an electric stovetop.

  • I’ve spoken to more people on the phone in the last few days than I have in the last ten years and I'm still not a fan.

  • I don't owe anyone anything.

  • I am not sad though I won't rule out the possibility once the dust settles. Too much whirlwind, external and in-. Many complicated feelings.

  • There will be many, many Christmas ornaments, QVC chotchkes, and tea-cozy mysteries to donate. Should you require any, hit me up.

  • I still hate cleaning cat litter. Don't suppose I can teach a 12-year-old cat to use the toilet, can I?

Im sure there will be more but this is the most processing I can do right now. Also: Kirby is eating a plant container. Beautiful day, though. Supposed to hit the 80s and then drop into the 50s by next week. How are you? I'm fine, thanks for asking.