about my single creative desire: to write and self-publish strange, weird novellas, short stories, and the occasional non-fiction thing that function solely as my way of exorcising whatever's in me at the moment; all self-directed aspirational efforts not only at being published traditional-like but at screenplays or comics are, for now, dead: I'm weary of creating things that require others for a life that never seem to materialize; I'll let them come as they come and if they don't oh well. Not going to worry about it.

A lingering question: am I not seeking traditional publishing anymore because I'm worried I'm not good enough? Because I can't imagine anyone wanting to publish me? Or is it because I prefer the agency of self-publishing and really, at this point, feel no need to prove myself to anyone beyond myself?

Probably a bit of all of the above.

Would it be nice to have that extra representation to help me through the business end of things, to lend moral support, to light fires under my ass? Certainly. Do I see that happening anytime soon? Not particularly. Am I worried about it? Not as much as I thought I was.

Basically, everything current – TSR, PRESS (A) - the delivery system for much of the strange and the weird – and RE/EMERGENCE (still the happiest creative collaboration I've had) will continue. All that's being relegated to purgatory are the aforementioned self-directed aspirational efforts at tradpub, screen, and comics, a deliberate practice of letting go of one or two hopes and dreams to let the truest truth (of the moment) come to life.