Yes I know it's plate spinning. I prefer juggling.

Asking myself: if I weren't doing this what would I be doing?

Far from cut and dry because I know that even if I weren't doing "this" I'd still be writing: it's such a part of me at this point - as one friend somewhat dismissively said of me, I always have something creative going on - whether I'm any good or not, that it would be akin to stopping breathing – or at least holding my breath.

But maybe the "this" is the caring about the gaining ideas, about the things outside of my control, a perpetual, plaguing "this," wrangling the cats, etc etc. Weary weary.

(Common theme over course of life, of career.)

All of that, of the "this," however, has too become like breathing – more of an asthma, a chronic condition. Definitely want to retire from that part – but it'll take some doing. Any / all effort(s) – whatever form it/they may take: right now, considering moving second workchunk into the afternoon so I don't have such a long period of not actively doing The Work but my internal clock / habit seems to resist any shifting of worktime – towards "fuck it, write" will be worthwhile.

Oh, speaking of: Juggling continues. Think it will work - in spite of a morning spent staring (and ruminating).