something(?)else(?)

Second day in a row that my Attendance Card has featured me pondering something – though I think this one is more effective than yesterday's.

An unshakable feeling that there's a void, something missing. A part of me, perhaps? The parts that are there are fine, dandy, solid, settled: marriage, writing, all that. No, this is something else.

Writing is fine save the striving of the last ten years. I'm done with it. I'm going to do what I want and stop worrying about what it could lead to. No point; write and publish for its own sake, my own way, my own things. Definitely an epoch of "burn things down and start over" in this, the post-Twitter era.

But that something else has been nagging at me for awhile, longer than awhile. Doing my best to not force it along: have a feeling that it, like anything worth anything, will hit me in a moment of unthinking. Can only ride the waves until then / carry on, etc etc.