Felt it in K-12, in music (school and otherwise), in film, feel it in writing, feel it in the now: that there's a fundamental piece of something missing in my mental makeup which I've somehow managed to convince myself over these last three decades that, should I be able to figure it out, I'd be set (though I know this is probably bullshit). Maybe it's a faith in myself, a faith that I don't even have but know I haven't lived up to: these years, decades now, of spinning wheels tend to erode that faith – and make one even more stuck than before.