While it'd be nice to be excited by an Apple announcement again, I'm still – with the exception of the M1 Mac Mini because I love Mac Minis and the iPhone XR (see below) – not there. 10-12 years, give or take? I mean, look: it'll be cool to not have to have a stash of hybrid USB-C / lightning cables lying about getting all knotted and shit, but finally doing something (good) to comply with an EU law kicking in next year doesn't exactly scream innovation.

At this point, even a wrist-worn, non-invasive glucometer that talks to my insulin pump wouldn't get me to buy another Apple Watch. Already having multiple bluetooth devices attached via subcutaneous injection (though with better battery life than anything from Apple) kinda sours me on another device strapped to my wrist and/or person. I’m happy with my rotation of G-Shocks.

Indeed, it would seem that I've officially reached the "angry old man" phase of technology, sitting on my porch, whacking flies with my cane, snoring under my hat and waking up screaming to no one in particular that I will be sticking with my iPhone14 Pro until the bitter end which I got only because my beloved XR faded into an ignoble, unchargeable, cracked death after five years and even then thank you very much.