Though I’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, I never felt it accurately described my brainpain; BPD felt more apposite and, while my current med cocktail keeps the worst of it at bay (most of the time), the ping-ponging between feeling everything and feeling nothing but emptiness (generally skew this way) is fucking exhausting. Hopefully this excellent piece is the start of deeper research into an under-examined aspect of the disorder.
Why might the same person feel too empty and too full of feelings? The most likely answer lies in the concept of identity, or the internal sense a person has of who they are. Having a well-developed sense of self provides life with meaning, guides behaviour, and can be a psychological resource in times of distress. When a person has an unclear, disorganised and unstable sense of self -- as is frequently the case for those diagnosed with BPD -- they will have deep questions about what they should be doing and what should matter. Some people whose identity is not well integrated go back and forth between periods of emotionally intense efforts to figure out who they are and periods of numb emptiness
K mentioned that she wanted a shelf for her Lego Botanicals (aka: winter gardening replacement) collection but after toying around with the notion of well-made floating shelves, I got bored with directions and measurements and went with this little thing, Frankensteined out of pieces of scrap and failed drill press / jigsaw experiments during interior Shed construction and/or wordplay boredom.
A case study in why I prefer metalwork and welding to woodworking: I'm very much a "build first, measure later" type and the creative assembly (read: winging it) of something useful (or at least interesting) from otherwise useless and damaged castoffs was my little way of bringing my metalwork love to the extent of my woodwork tolerance. Fun little experiment – that K dug the end result (You can make more, right? she asked) made it all the more so.
