TSR returns with a conversation with Writer of Things/Maker of Films, MJ Slide, about the first year of their amazing zine, PRISMATIC SLANT, and the juxtapositions, processes, and expressions behind it. Check out the full conversation here.
One, when I get overwhelmed by the needs of others to the detriment of myself, all of my relationships become another job. Meaning: everyone becomes a task on a list, no matter whether or not they are a task on the kanban board the lifeworkflow or not. This is, clearly, a mental – and, probably, a physical – survival mechanism. That said, while my bedside manner well and truly sucks, I do get the job done, no matter what.
(A good friend once saw me shift into this mode and he thought I was having a stroke.)
Two, all decisions I make in the above lilfeworkflow are rooted in what I call "a bias towards certainty" in mind: full-tilt move to assisted living or continued transitional care or try going home? For at least another week, it's the middle one, a bit of status quo – with the bias towards certainty being to begin the process of the first one (and prep allergies for incoming resident cat). The last one seems increasingly less likely.
Three, I cannot and will not continue to sacrifice my own health to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I've done it for too long and I know that the main party for whom I'm most concerned knows that I've done everything in my power to the detriment of my health and my career. I can no longer - nor am I willing to - shoulder the burden, both physical and the ones I’ve concocted in my brain.
Four, my fucking back still hurts but at least I know it's not rheumatoid arthritis. That's one autoimmune disorder that I've yet to inherit. Waiting to hear back on x-rays, but it seems that I have at least one bulging and probably herniated disc that's been causing all of the pain for the last several months and making my ability to run up a hill at anything more than a limp a(nother) lost cause.
Five, THE BATMAN is really good. Might write something more about it or this might be it. Maybe a TSR episode with someone? (Speaking of, new TSR coming later today.)
Six, I am not going back to daily written pieces but posting here only when I have something to say. Tried it and the form / results just didn't interest me. I like the mystery of this whenever/whatever approach.
Seven, the switching of anti-depressants was to begin this week but I'm putting it off until more certainty and/or finality comes to items one through three. I'll deal with the continued weight gain. Anything that impedes my mental processing power right now is verboten.
I think that's it.
Jock | Insta
New office / Sanctum arrangement: the freer I am to move the freer I am to think (and play ball with Kirby instead of headdesking when stuck). Side note: added a monitor light and love it - a boon for handwriting lefties like me.
A spectacular series of shots from behind the scenes of NIGHTMARE ALLEY, from co-writer Kim Morgan, on her blog this morning.
Built in 1858, give or take, this is the barn at my grandparents' house, the center wall of which finally gave way during one of our numerous high wind warnings as the endless transition from sort-of-winter to sort-of-spring unfurls.
Fond memories of playing in its even-then collapsing structures and hidden spaces throughout my youth, the misadventures created and had, through the rafters and among the subletting racoons, of leaping from haybails, etc etc.
Assuming it doesn't totally collapse in the meantime, controlled demolition is scheduled for the end of September. Racoons will have to find a new home.
In the interim: scavenging for bottles and antique glass and pieces and parts for various projects and assorted dusty mementos of my youth, of connection long on the fritz but in the process of rewiring.
As is the wont of memories and connections had and returned.
