meetings and visitations

in

Two more of the standard meetings and visitations in the interregnum between death and funeral today though this is my first in a long time when one spouse survives still; I'm used to dealing with total erasure, step by step, bit by bit. Will sit and be silent and offer support when needed; for some reason or other I've come to view these meetings and visitations as an integral part of the grieving process (though, in this case, I don’t consider myself to be grieving for the deceased but for the grief my wife is feeling) – probably because I've handled them myself for so long and prefer to do than feel; in this case, I do the lawn and write the obit.

shake

in

Fascinating recognition, thanks to a much-needed convo with a great friend: that part of my present creative problem is that, while I want and need to move on to different moods and forms, the inputs – life swirling, doing its thing –, the toxic waters that are gurgling into my well, are holding me in the same soul-sucking patterns of the last 14 years. Shaking things up is the only way out / through – trick being to figure out what, exactly, to shake: while I’d rather pursue requisite shaking with surgical precision for now, I do accept that “scorched earth everything” might become unavoidable.