These are the maths that keep me alive

Blood sugar madness has finally translated to "now I’m fucking pissed" - especially as I've found my endo more useless over the last year or two - and has resulted in my turning further to the maths to keep myself alive and in range and, because the only maths scores I remember from high school is my 49% on a geometry test and a D- in Trigonometry that I was thrilled about, it makes perfect sense that I must now turn to said maths for propogration of existence.

Example of thinking and T1D breakfast process: decided it's time for a new corrective dose (the amount of bolus/mealtime insulin I give myself if I'm over a certain amount). because I've changed everything else so I'll try changing this. Equation, according to the Gary Scheiner's far-more-useful-than-my-endo book, THINK LIKE A PANCREAS:

Insulin sensitivity factor = 36 (though I'll make it easier on myself at 35). Equation to determine this: 1700 / (Total daily insulin (basal - long acting + bolus - mealtime/rapid); target BS (initialism continues to be accurate) is 125. Corrective dose: for every 35 over 125, I give myself one additional unit of bolus/rapid insulin. For every 35 under, I reduce it.

And this is just the start. Might change with each meal.

(Fuck this disease that made the maths my saving grace. And fuck the maths too.)

Had written a whole bunch about the structural ramifications of The FictionThing but who cares. Nice thing is that I've found a rhythm with The Work and a process and the truth that the only path forward is detachment from the result of the process: the process is all that matters – once a Thing makes its way through the process of processing, it's out of my hands and into the ether and there’s nothing I can do about that so I might as well accept it do the only thing that I can do: write more shit.

Result of K's ortho doc visit: while she's got a nasty sprain that will take awhile to heal, the wrist is not broken. Relief.

Back to work.

Brain-dots dwindling

No news on K's wrist other than we're going to go see an ortho surgeon / wrist specialist this afternoon. Rare trip out of the county to a different parking lot which means I do get to read so that'll be nice.

Structural things worked out in NonFic Thing, bringing its rotation in my two-days-on-two-days off work cycle (two on Main Thing, two on NonFic Thing which is on its way to becoming a Main Thing, so maybe I should split them up into FicThing and NonFicThing) to a close.

At the point where the brain-full of dots has dwindled and the time is nigh to start a very rough assembly. Drew the thing out on big paper (thanks, Nick), and a path forward emergent: 'm out of dots to add and the only way to find more is to start a very rough assembly: if I go with the structure that I've found seems to be working, the NonFicThing will end up with at least 112 nodes/chapters/modules/something spread out over five-to-seven sections. Note that this far from final and is, at this point, representative of my best understanding of how NonFicThing MIGHT work.

Reasonably proud of yesterday’s GROUND LOOP episode. Got a lot off my chest in that one – and the RSS fix – thanks, Scott and Squarespace (you may be screwing up the editing capacity of your apps, but your customer service is fantastic) – helped; let the lesson ring forth that thou shalt not copy and paste into the post title field but thou shalt manually type the post title lest thou fuck up thy RSS.

The day's run awaits.

(Re)Watching:

EarBliss, 13oct2021

TIME, FEROCIOUS, by bleed Air.

New TGL: “How are you doing?”

This week, on THE GROUND LOOP: I take 14 minutes to answer "How are you doing?" and, along the way, tell the story of how, in the last few months, I nearly lost my decades-long battle with depression. Short version: I'm ok now, but it wasn't pretty. You can check out the full episode here.

No you cannot take my cereal

Returning this morning to the once-daily post here: it's the form I most love in this space, the perpetually returned, after all these years.

More blood sugar craziness (three different readings, 100 points off from one another, literally life and death but, in cases like this, I take the average of the three numbers and bolus from there, winging it — 🤷🏻‍♂️ — most likely weather-related as it's changing again in this summer/fall hybrid that's becoming more and more but who knows because all you know is that you will die on the hill for your Multi-Grain Cheerios because they're fucking tasty and you miss fucking tasty and they keep you from missing fucking tasty too much.

Focused on the nonfic/comics thing this morning – as tends to be the Wednesday way: pushing forward for an upcoming chat because there are few things I despise more than telling someone how to do something without at least trying to do it myself... the zettel/Obsidian way of working here most beneficial as it has shown me the most complicated yet most representative way of structuring the piece, the best – and perhaps only – way to relay the ins and outs of the day in the life, the choices and the consequences of those choices, the tiny variations that transform the course of a day.

New GROUND LOOP coming this afternoon, probably. Will also find out today if K's wrist is broken from the fall last week or if it's a nasty sprain. The games continue...

Kirby didn’t have to return to the scene of the crime because he never left it: “I‘ve been waiting for you, Clarice.”

BS / Backronym

Blood sugar headscratching continues but looks like I'm leveling off. Brutal see-saw / PUNY GOD HULK SMASH chart-day yesterday. Still a bit under the weather but, as ever, blood sugar is earning its BS initialism.

Random thought: I've now learned that a "backronym" is "a phrase that is constructed "after the fact" from a previously existing word. For example, the novelist and critic Anthony Burgess once proposed that the word "book" ought to stand for "box of organized knowledge."

“Boxes of organized knowledge” are awesome.

Other news: started the morning by saying "I need to get around to writing a new TGL episode" and then wrote a new TGL episode (when I should have been reviewing the handwritten stuff from the first workchunk but oh well); probably out tomorrow or Thursday afternoon.

On that HW thing: though it's getting more legible, my handwriting is still pretty atrocious. This atrocity has led to a different approach to HW: when transcribing to work in Obsidian, I don't necessarily transcribe verbatim (because I can't) but seek out repeating phrases or words: generally speaking, that gives me a pretty good idea of where I'm heading, and what's worth looking into, legibly.

The day awaits.

Catch.

Reading:

(11-24oct2021)