zilchery->something(s)else

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Reached the point where the totality of my creative zilchness this morning was something to behold, the suffocating fear that ComicsThing is all for naught – a typical manifestation, especially when I'm about to take a leap into something worthwhile –, the reminders of perpetual creative heartbreak, a general feeling of stagnation, of GROUNDHOG DAY-ness, of relentless blech.

Solution: switched to Something(s)Else for a couple of days (newsletter will take up the weekend) as I've learned (and remembered) that, as a general rule, my worklength capacity on a single project before needing to switch to something else is about four-five days. Spent about a week straight with ComicsThing, so I was clearly overdue. Both ComicsThing and I could feel it.

Writing PRESS (A) 02 and 03 at the same time (in addition to ComicsThing) and will determine which will move forward as January gets closer; whichever one doesn't make the cut / the deadline will move to 03 – though I'm starting to lean towards these Something(s)Else as 02 with MainFictionThing taking over all of 03: a good left turn, I think, maybe, IDK.

in wave

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Having more or less exorcised the fuckeries of my formative years, I'm in a weird stage of not having that emotional foil (even if I’m the only one of the two of us who knew she was a foil) not knowing what to do without one – like mother, like son, apparently: when her mother died, she made K into her sworn enemy; after she died, I made an attempt to turn K's dad into mine (he did and has made it all too easy) and, while I think I've managed to stop it – though those patterns do, indeed, run deep – or at least put a hard pause on it, I'm nonetheless making efforts at increased vigiliance over myself: "he keeps watch and guard on himself as his own enemy, lying in wait for him," as Epictetus says; we are, all, our own worst enemy.

Something of the start of a midlife crisis, perhaps, or at least a defining reorientation of things. Having well and truly fucked things up during my quarter-life iteration (and baring the scars of being at the center of both of my parents’), I'm operating with one primary rule: no drastic changes until I’m as certain as I can be that I’ve ridden the wave to shore or wherever it throws me off.

appropriating meditative stickings

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Asking myself: what does "slowing down" look like for me? Does it mean stepping away from daily things here (or towards them and away from multiple posts)? Fewer projects? Fewer TSR episodes? Less giveafuck? Definitely the last one – but unsure about the rest of them: every time I say I'm going to stop doing the daily things I end up having something to write about but I’m leaning that way more than I have in awhile. TSR, I need for the balance with my own solo efforts. Fewer projects? I’ve only got three main ones going, not terrible; eh, think I'll stick with less giveafuck and let the chips fall where they may.

Finding that practicing Stone's STICK CONTROL on the practice pad helps get me out of an invasive thoughtloop. Rhythm + counting + focus = a stick-bearing meditation: fascinating / horrifying that the voices of interruption that pop up are all things (Step-He) used to say to me when I practiced / disturbed his sacred existence and that I somehow managed to appropriate into my own internal voice. Explains a lot. Fucker.

Keep playing, keep counting, keep breathing, keep going. And on and on and on.

weary of perpetual briskness

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Heating people coming today to see about extending the vent in the paintshop over to my office. 38ºF outside right now and it's more than a little brisk back here (but hey, the six-by-five-foot window with a crack across it hasn’t completely shattered yet so yay). Made it through more than a few winters back here in my little corner with a little space heaters but I'd like to see if venting from the actual house furnace makes a difference. Other option: a solar-powered heater. Gets plenty of light on the roof, so it's doable.

Relieved that I decided to not let myself check comms because there's nothing there except Dems begging for more money. Idea: every donation you give buys you a week off from receiving their fundraising newsletters. Get on that, ActBlue.

In which I realize that KIRBY looked like a Chemex during his 12 days of conelife a year or so ago

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Another one from the archive, now with series name, VIOLENTLY ADORABLE: ‘tis a story behind it. Went to a car dealership when Kirby was a wee tot, not much bigger than The Morkie and The Jorkie, and one of the salespeople called Kirby “Violently Adorable” which I thought was the greatest compliment ever so I’m stealing it for this little series of excuses to use the Apple Pencil.

PolterPup FTW

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As if I wasn't already a proud husband, you may now consider me a proud gamer/husband: my wife, who has spent the last decade insisting that she could never get into video games (other than the Apple Arcade / iOS puzzle ones / CandyCrush monstrosities) and that the dual thumbsticks screw her up is now fully addicted to her Nintendo Switch (I traded up for an OLED and gave her my Lite): MARIO KART 8 was the gateway drug. Went out yesterday and she picked out her first game of her own, LUIGI'S MANSION 3 (very fun, actually) and, once we figured out what she needed to do, she was well and truly hooked.

Still making my way through ZELDA: BREATH OF THE WILD, cooking inedible dishes, and gliding around and about with occasional dalliances into MARIO KART and, when I'm feeling particularly sadistic with myself, CUPHEAD.

ComicsThing in Muse board: pictures abound and my brain is simultaneously happy and overwhelmed... the crush of it all but the opportunity of it all. Never underestimate the value of seeing things laid out before you, even it's in a weird sort of digital hybrid. Now to figure out what to do with it, how to make Obsidian and Muse play well together / what needs to stay what needs to go, that sort of thing.

revived perspectives

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Hello, October: think I've figured out how to (re)start this comics thing (yes, this is the gamble I'm taking on myself): each project tells you how it wants to come to life, what it needs from you in order to become something from nothing – in this case, a somewhat more linear writing process than MainFictionThing (in other words, a little less Muse and a little more Obsidian), until the prescription changes, of course. Middle section might have to be figured in Muse, though – I need to see it, shift it, move things around… still coming up with a series name for the little comics thing posted yesterday. Suggestions welcome.