in

So much of my working times these days are spent figuring out where the voice went: where it's hiding, if it'll ever come back, if it ever existed. Right now, a spirit of experimentation: do I need to balance the timed (TSBMR, newsletter, Attendance Cards, intended Project500) with something of a more open-ended duration? Only if I can accept that "open-ended" doesn't mean "never-ending.”

french grip

in

Re-starting my drumming re-education / music therapy from scratch with a new grip. Tried traditional: my left wrist hated it and it defeated the purpose of trying to make my arms of similar strength (though I'm left-handed, my left hand is far weaker than my right: ATV accident fucked that shoulder years back and I've never fully recovered). Matched: both wrists hated it a little less than my left wrist hated traditional, but it still felt too rigid – and was the only grip I was taught during my first, otherly-directed percussive education. Which also killed my passion for drumming, so probably wasn't the best idea to try it again. Live/learn etc.

Now, though: trying out French Grip, which is basically the same as a timpani-playing grip – matched grip but with the palms facing one another and playing shifted from the wrists to the fingers – and I think I like it. If I'm not mistaken, it's what Carter Beauford uses, isn't it? Will never reach that level, but I'm intrigued by the action of the sticks vs. matched (or as I like to call it, missionary grip). So far, a bit dodgy, but I've re-started Stone's STICK CONTROL (again) to, well, control the sticks – shouldn't you be writing, he asks himself / this is part of my writing, he says.

unthinkable becomes thinkable

in

After such a successful Carvana transaction with Vanna, I'm about 98% there on saying goodbye to Huey the Truck, my grandfather's beloved – and mine – truck as well. Part of the reason for getting Vanna in the first place was that, after two years, I've grown weary of seeing my dead family's vehicle's parked in the driveway and no matter the perspective I took, I can still see his truck, like he's visiting, and I can't find him. Vanna's not that big, after all – and all of the practical reasons for keeping Huey – haul dirty crap, move garden stuff, full-size bed – are, I've come to believe, masks for the truth that I'm keeping him purely for emotional reasons (Vanna is more than capable of handling almost everything Huey could, and I’m planning to get a trailer for her at some point, so the point will be even more moot). Unless something goes wrong with Vanna by Tuesday, I think I'll take Carvana's offer on Huey and bid farewell. It's time to move on.

rain rain rain rain wind wind wind wind advisory advisory advisory blah blah blah

in

Indeed, it is rainy and windy. Again.

Week's been nuts so my efforts to work out a rhythm to the day remain elusive. Assuming, as per usual, that I'll find it just as I have to switch to summer break schedule. Alternative would be to give in, start sb schedule now so I'm less pissy when the time comes. Hopefully sticking to Project500 (more on that in Sunday's Macro0166 but please do know know that "Project500" isn't some stupid / clever code title for something: I literally don't have a name for it and I'm basing it around 500 words, so that's what it'll be for now) / TSBMR / MacroParentheticals and that being it will help.

Current Project500 quandary: what's the bare minimum needed to open the gate to the winding road through?

High potassium continues, though all other numbers look fine, except for blood sugar but that's not surprising; it's always high in the morning. Doubtful that I have kidney disease, though who knows at this point. Only dietary thing I can think of that I've added (other than weight) since my big checkup (where everything was peachy) in December, is matcha (which I'm not giving up because I like how it makes me feel - read: not comatose) and an extra vitamin D3 pill at the doc's request three days a week. Everything they suggested had MORE potassium than what I was doing so fuck it, IDK. No call yet from the whitecoats, though if they keep to their pattern, it'll be either at lunch or at the end of the day.