rain rain rain rain wind wind wind wind advisory advisory advisory blah blah blah

in

Indeed, it is rainy and windy. Again.

Week's been nuts so my efforts to work out a rhythm to the day remain elusive. Assuming, as per usual, that I'll find it just as I have to switch to summer break schedule. Alternative would be to give in, start sb schedule now so I'm less pissy when the time comes. Hopefully sticking to Project500 (more on that in Sunday's Macro0166 but please do know know that "Project500" isn't some stupid / clever code title for something: I literally don't have a name for it and I'm basing it around 500 words, so that's what it'll be for now) / TSBMR / MacroParentheticals and that being it will help.

Current Project500 quandary: what's the bare minimum needed to open the gate to the winding road through?

High potassium continues, though all other numbers look fine, except for blood sugar but that's not surprising; it's always high in the morning. Doubtful that I have kidney disease, though who knows at this point. Only dietary thing I can think of that I've added (other than weight) since my big checkup (where everything was peachy) in December, is matcha (which I'm not giving up because I like how it makes me feel - read: not comatose) and an extra vitamin D3 pill at the doc's request three days a week. Everything they suggested had MORE potassium than what I was doing so fuck it, IDK. No call yet from the whitecoats, though if they keep to their pattern, it'll be either at lunch or at the end of the day.

in

Blood sacrifice made but, more importantly, on the drive in, listening to The White Stripes, three ideas: One, that I want to take more of a songwriting approach to writing my weird shit by which I mean a more write it and move approach; I love the feel of things like that sound like a creative explosion – The Beatles's White Album, the oeuvre of Jack White, etc – and less a polished thing (novels, screenplays, etc). Second, I shouldve made a five year plan in the vein of Cal Newport’s SLOW PRODUCTIVITY ten years ago; better late than never, I suppose. And finally, I really fucking hate this switch back to cold because my blood sugar is out of control and it pisses me off which makes it even more out of control. But, ah, matcha: that stuff really is great.

in

Made the first attempt at my last-ditch effort to safely – with NuHerbie the Insulin Pump in tow – add mileage (back) to my run: drive up to the running trail (half mile away or so), park, and slowly add loops and mileage (as opposed to adding mileage by running the roads around my slice of wanton heartlandia as I have the past decade). At least this way I don't have to take "blood sugar ok enough to get home" into account: even if I do go low, I keep glucose shots in the truck - at it's furthest away from me, it's a few tenths of a mile away – and sit it out in the truck until it pops back up. Plus, it's nice to not have to think about school traffic or to interact with anyone. If I can add one more loop, I can get back to my previous daily mileage (six miles), though I'd be ecstatic with a consistent daily five.

kinking my tubing maybe

in

In order to not run out of infusion sets while I await the incoming delivery of TruSteels, I've broken into my stockpile of AutoSoft XC 90s (which I fucking hate) and am, at present, waiting to see if I've already cocked the thing either during the overly-complicated insertion or by general movement in the moments after, the only way to be sure is to see if I reach into the realm of puke-inducing hyperglycemia for the next couple of hours and spend the rest of the day feeling like ass while hunting down a supply of TruSteels because yes, I would rather have a sliver of metal stuck in me for three days than deal with these plastic little dixie cup “innovations.”

in

Yes, you've seen (variations of / upon) this post before, once last night, once this morning, and now here, at morning's end; third time's a charm especially when a.) I find that I do, indeed, like writing these throughout the morning and b.) to arrive all the way back to how I started this experiment last week so I can kick myself in the ass.

One of those days, already.

Recovery from a rough night with NuHerbie (hence this morning's shittier-than-usual Attendance Card; I've been awake since 0300) continues. Went out of CGM range at around 0100, then stayed out of range, but NH was still pumping insulin – doing it so well in fact that when I finally made the decision to get up and figure WTF, I was, according to fingerprick and my blood, a teetering 56: nothing that 15g of carbs via gel and a handful of caramel popcorn (ok that was probably stupid but fuck me I was hungry) couldn't assuage and send me surging to 264 by breakfast, crashing back to 56 post-run, and now, after correcting via similar methods to the early morning, 241, 225, 202, 196...)

The definition of insanity being / welcome to day-to-day T1D.

Thinking: once MainFictionThing is done, I need to abandon all ideas from before my grandfather died and write from a zero point; a deepening conflict between the writer that started this FictionThing and the writer that's (allegedly) finishing it – though I am taking one final hail mary to see if that does the trick. Whether or not I get there is another matter: everything we create is, after all, a reflection of our past, present, and future – for better or for worse / consciously or un–.

The day / one of those days(?) awaits.

in

Not sure why it took me this long into the insulin pump / NuHerbie era to switch my running time from morning to afternoon, but I'm glad I did. Traffic as light – if not lighter (no school-busses, yay) – and no one around. Still have to work out the kinks with the insulin dosage / ratios but that's nothing different from what I've been doing for the last year in the morning anyhow. Will definitely continue – and eventually let Derbz come along.

Giving another workchunk a go, first afternoon I've had free in longer than I can remember. First cup of matcha in same. Missed both.

(Also missed using this space for more frequent life updates and random thoughtlets about anything and everything. Good to be emerging into something resembling a rhythm.)

In better humor this afternoon, much to the relief of the dogchildren and the unsuspecting populace. This semblance of making a day of my own, no matter how illusory, is wonderful.