mactest

Bit of a test post, first post written on the M3 Macbook Air, 15" and jesusfuck this screen is beautiful. So beautiful, in fact, it's more than enough space than I need to work with (think my biggest laptop screen was 12", maybe), and I've taken out the external monitor and am giving going solely with the Air a go. Pre-NuShed trials. Decided that it'll be my studio / makerspace: I haven't gotten to to go anywhere for work in 15 years so I might as well shuffle across the backyard and give it a go. Oh, I do like this thing – though I’ve got to set up my invaluable Elgato Stream Deck again. Small price.

"so what do you do?"

For the first time in memory, I've been telling anyone who asks me what I do the truth: I don't know, that I'm still figuring it out – and, while I rarely provide context or qualification for my answer (after all the upheaval the last few years, I'm still learning to live without them, for better and for worse, and it's put the question of how much of my life – and theirs – did I waste on these creative pursuits), I'm always shocked by the universal reply: some variation of That's great or Good for you.

Wish I had more of a insight into what I think of that response, but I'm still figuring it out, processing the shock: Growing up, it was all "what's your plan, blah blah blah"; maybe there's a shift that happens when you reach middle age?

I was advised by my doctor to seek counseling for grief, but I've (so far) resisted it: I'm one of the weird ones who enjoyed therapy, found it a stimulating intellectual exercise and dialogue, but, unless they can give me concrete steps to find a purpose, there's no point. Perhaps now I can start to use the real answer to "How are you?": Fine when I'm doing something – moving gravel, writing weird shit that no one reads, building BabyShed – fucking awful when I have time to think.

(Unless I'm using that time to think as time to write (weird shit that no one reads): this process of processing really does help – but I wish I could expand it out throughout the day and enjoy it as much as I do in these early morning, pre-people hours but I know myself well enough to know that any attempt to do that will kill the joy of these early morning hours).

Suppose this could use a conclusion – but there isn't one. Ongoing process (of processing).

victory

Stood in Babyshed in the rain and didn’t get wet. Roofing insecurity somewhat ameliorated.

babyshed, ctd

(previously…) Roof paneling is almost done, save for a few more 1x4x6 choppings, and K has stained the front and side and added the first touch of her-ness with the sun. Butterflies incoming...

I’m mostly excited that the mower fit and didn’t roll out the door, as it did earlier. I’ll be even more excited when I get the mower running again. Next thing to learn: electric lawnmower repair.

GLADIATOR II (trailer)

Oh yes.

election thinking, currently (again)

I'm at a loss as to why – when saying that Biden's visibly aged in the last several months – no one brings up the toll that Hunter's conviction has to have taken on him. One son dead, the other in a heap of trouble that he can't do a thing about? That would be enough to make anyone age – and the guy’s already in his eighties for fuck’s sake. Congressional Republicans have been trying to break the guy since before he was sworn in – or at least break his spirit. We saw the results of their chicanery in the debate.

As for what I think the next month looks like? While I'm still in the "time to move aside" camp, Biden is, at present, doing what he's good at: being a canny (if glacially-moving) politician and a scrapper. He's using this crisis as a way to reinvigorate his campaign, show he's still got more of that underdog fighter (who happens to be the incumbent president) left in him; if this doesn't move the needle, I anticipate he'll drop out before the convention (if he's planning an exit, he's waiting for Tumor to announce his VP and then use his own exit as a way to take attention away from the Tumor and his successive toady, and the RNC) and pass the torch to Kamala – but I hope it does work: Everyone loves a good underdog tale – but everyone also loves a graceful exit – which, in all likelihood, would push him back into the lead and then make everyone want him to come back...