the (as yet) unmade

In the throes of limbo on two metal projects so here’s a list of things I’ve yet to make that I want to make:

  • a series / gaggle of weird little zines

  • a graphic novella (with or without a collaborator, though i'd prefer the former)

  • a narrative short film

  • a novella

  • a large metal dinosaur

  • a damn good track / ep that eschews my institutionalized music composition reflexes for the same visceral and improvisational central to my totally clueless – and intentionally ignorant – metalworking practice.

Do I have any of these in me still? I'd like to believe I do (99.99% that large metal dinosaur is happening this summer), but time will tell.

a thing about re-learning to play drums

Among the few benefits of music school is that, 20 years after I ran away, I retained the ability to reeducate myself – or at least to develop a plan to do so – on drums. Ignoring all of the “percussionist” background and sticking only with drumset because it’s the fun one – or at least the one that I had the most fun with. Can’t figure why I played marimba so much then. Eh, live and learn.

(But it’s nice to know I can still read music without a problem.)

The four things I’m focusing on right now: hand strength (read: make 44-year-old hands do what 18/19 year old hands could do and endure an entire song never mind an entire gig); pedalwork (for some reason, I really glossed over that part); keeping rock solid time; and being present while I’m playing (read: not letting the fuckeries of institutional music education seep into my enjoyment and reentry into the ways of).

Working through both Stone’s STICK CONTROL for the first part and Chester’s THE NEW BREED for the second part with a metronome to satisfy the third. I do most of the practicing on my roland V drums before moving over to the Tama Cocktail Jam kit for the systems/reading playthroughs.

As for the presence, I’m getting there: I’m still counting through 16ths in my head way too much (read: at all) but it’s nonetheless helpful that drumming was, like metalwork is now, one of the few things with which I could lose myself to flow – by necessity and by love.

a fundamental fear

That, as recognized during my final years in music school (now twenty years in the past, JFC), I'm lacking a basic, instinctual component of competence, a fundamental - potentially unlearnable? - tool, in my chosen craft. However, unlike in music school (couldn't sing, couldn't find a pitch in solfège; ignored structure and form which is probably why I'm such a junkie for it now, overcompensate much?), I haven't a clue what it is, only that it's there. Maybe.